Bridal Shower History and Etiquette

Bridal showers traditionally involve giving gifts to future wives. A bridal shower is a gift giving party given for a bride before her wedding. The custom originated in the United States, although the first stories about these events have been known to originate in Brussels, Belgium around 1860. Showers are usually coordinated by the bridesmaids, who invite guests to offer gifts for the home of the bride and groom (or perhaps more accurately of the bride, since the groom is very seldom invited to the shower).

The custom of the bridal shower is said to have grown out of earlier dowry practices when a poor woman’s family might not have the money to provide a dowry for her, or when a father refused to give his daughter her dowry because he did not approve of the marriage. In such situations, friends of the woman would gather together and bring gifts that would compensate for the dowry and allow her to marry the man of her choice.

There is no such custom in the U.K., where wedding presents are normally selected from a list provided by the couple, and delivered either at the wedding or by the shop, and sometimes displayed at the wedding. A related custom practiced in medieval England was the Bride Ale. This was a feast held before the wedding day, at which the bride made beer and sold it to the guests at a high price.

Although the format has remained relatively consistent, there have been some significant changes. An etiquette suggests showers should be “purely spontaneous and informal,” with guests arriving unannounced at the bride-to-be’s home, while a later planning guides suggest more complex themes and games. Traditionally, hosting the bridal shower falls on the maid of honor. Because gifts are required of those who attend the shower, some communities consider it rude for a relative of the bride to host it, but relative-hosted showers are a common and accepted occurrence in other communities. The shower normally takes place four to six weeks before the wedding.

Due to the prior history of showers being “purely spontaneous and informal”, showers have not developed the same formal etiquette that has developed with respect to weddings. It is not customary for guests to receive formal invitations in the same manner as they would for a wedding.